Happy New Year, everyone! We have a lot to catch up on, but first, here’s the latest podcast. More updates in the coming days.

“IMPROPERLY PREPARED BLOWFISH,” by Gord Sellar.
Read by Brett Donnelly. (32 min)

The two gangsters bowed deeply to their employer, as Yukie stepped ever so slightly back, away from Kimu.

“You got the machine, I see,” Ito said, strolling toward it with his hands behind his back, as an office manager might do.

“Yes, sir,” Tsueno answered. “From a black market dealer’s hideaway. It’s an older model, but that’s all that ever made it to Fukuoka before these things were outlawed altogether. It was functioning, as of a week ago. This was the machine that correctly predicted the death of Watanabe Yoshiro.”

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Direct podcast feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/machineofpodcast

Gord Sellar is a graduate of Clarion West 2006, and has lived in South Korea since 2002. His writing has appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction, Clarkesworld, Interzone, and Jetse de Vries’ Shine anthology, as well as in The Year’s Best Science Fiction Vol. 26, edited by Gardner Dozois. He was a finalist for the John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer in 2009. Visit his website at gordsellar.com. (Find Gord’s work on Amazon.)

Brett Donnelly is a voice actor, illustrator, and amateur orca (still getting the hang of it). His work can be found at weirdgreencat.com and brettstuff.com respectively, and he is possibly @BrettDonnelly on Twitter.

In the book, “IMPROPERLY PREPARED BLOWFISH” is illustrated by Jeffrey Brown. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.

“COCAINE AND PAINKILLERS,” by David Malki !
Read by Nika Harper. (47 min)

At nine o’clock on a Tuesday morning, the parking lot in front of Jack Bogg Enterprises was somehow already full. Kelly didn’t know quite what to do. It had never happened before, not once in the year she’d been working for JBE. Especially troubling was that her favorite spot — right by the planter, the only spot in the office park guaranteed to be in the shade at six P.M. — was taken by some cruddy old Volvo. But three circuits of the lot only served to make her late, so she sighed, pulled around to the other side of the long metal building, and reluctantly parked by the O-ring wholesaler. She doubted she’d be leaving work before sunset anyway, if the last six weeks were any indication.

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Direct podcast feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/machineofpodcast

David Malki ! is the author, most recently, of Dispatches from Wondermark Manor: The Compleat Trilogy, a new omnibus collection of his parody Victorian novel series.

Nika Harper is a gamer and video host, working at Riot Games in a job primarily consisting of encouraging all types of creativity and giving stuff away. She has a secret writing habit that she hides the best she can, especially when people ask questions like “You look tired, did you sleep last night?” Nika has been an actor, dinosaur, D&D dungeon master and her goal in life is to make people smile.

In the book, “COCAINE AND PAINKILLERS” is illustrated by Jess Fink. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.

“LOVE AD NAUSEUM,” by Sherri Jacobsen.
Read by Tiffany Peterson. (4 min)

The Times, 5/18/04 A.M. (After Machine) 
SWF, 35, seeks SM 25–50. Must love outdoors, adventure, fun! Box 1876. 

The Times, 7/21/05 A.M. 
SWF, 36, seeks SM 25–50. Must be employed, love outdoor hobbies. No OVERDOSE, ALCOHOLISM, similar readings, please. Box 1876.

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Direct podcast feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/machineofpodcast

Sherri Jacobsen writes copy for movie marketing by day, and rewrites copy for finicky movie marketing executives by night. This is her first appearance in a publication not bound by staples.

Tiffany Peterson is a stand-up comic, improv teacher for kids, and filmmaker in Venice, CA. She is addicted to tie-dying, and a natural cheerleader for love, peace, and giving hugs.

In the book, “LOVE AD NAUSEUM” is illustrated by Kate Beaton!

“KILLED BY DANIEL,” by Julia Wainwright.
Read by Timothy Volpert. (22 min)

He got the results in April, and his first thought was that he had no idea what to do with them. For a while, he kept the little slip of paper hidden at the back of a desk drawer at work, still inside its official envelope. He didn’t want it in the house — Phil was bound to ferret it out. Phil wouldn’t even have to try, bless him; he was just one of those people who found things. 

He’d thrown away all the other stuff that had been in there, all the leaflets about counselling and help-lines and support groups and whatnot. Everything seemed to be full of leaflets these days. It was like the Sunday papers: you always had to give them a proper shaking over the coffee table before you read them, otherwise hundreds of shiny advertisements would be likely to slither out and attack you.
 
After three weeks, Robin took the slip of paper out of his desk drawer and burnt it in the wastepaper bin.

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Direct podcast feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/machineofpodcast

Julia Wainwright lives in Suffolk, England, where she writes stuff, makes things, and grows 0.1 percent of her own food. She’s just happy to be here. Julia can be reached at juliacw at ntlworld.com.

Timothy Volpert is a poet and musician from Topeka, Kansas. His latest collection of poetry is Their Memories, Your Orchard OR The Worried Courier and Other Stories.

In the book, “KILLED BY DANIEL” is illustrated by Marcus Parcus. This podcast episode was edited by Matt Schwartz.

“CANCER,” by David Malki !
Read by the author. (34 min)

James had seen the brightly-colored flyer in the mailbox, but hadn’t given it much thought and had thrown it away with the supermarket coupons. So he was surprised to see it later, rescued from the trash can, its glossy color beaming from the fridge beneath a smiley-face magnet.
He plucked it down and had already begun to crumple it when Mom stopped him.

“Doesn’t that look fun?” Mom said. “We’re going to the one next week.”

In garish red and yellow, the flyer announced that You, Too, could “Defeat the Machine!” A colorful cartoon hammer smashed a predictor box, starbursts flying out zanily. A beaming man in a tie beckoned to his new best friend, You. Bright blue type advertised an (800) number. Seats for the seminar were limited.

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Direct podcast feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/machineofpodcast

David Malki ! is the author of the comic strip “Wondermark”, a gag strip created entirely from 19th-Century woodcuts and engravings, AKA a collaboration with the dead. In 2009, the Wondermark collection Beards of our Forefathers was nominated for the Eisner Award — the highest honor in comics — for “Best Humor Publication.” It’s possible that this was a clerical error. His voice can also be heard on the podcast Tweet Me Harder.

In the book, “CANCER” is illustrated by Danielle Corsetto. This podcast episode was edited by Matt Schwartz.