“FRIENDLY FIRE,” by Douglas J Lane.
Read by Zach Weiner. (31 min)

They pulled the woman from the padded seat with care. She wasn’t the enemy. Ignorant, a buyer of the big lie, but not the root of the problem. She was somewhere north of forty. Her dark hair showed silver strands, and the beginnings of crow’s feet bracketed chestnut-colored eyes. Tommy noticed her fingertips, purple and tender. She was a Repeater. It touched a nerve.

Confusion and fear mingled on her face. “Don’t hurt me!” She wrapped an arm around herself, a reflex of protection. “Take my purse. I don’t have much.”

“We don’t want your crap,” Mitch said from behind the rubber face of Elvis Presley. He pushed past her. The silver head of a hammer, produced from inside Mitch’s overcoat, reflected a hundred mall lights. He ripped the curtain off the booth and went to work.

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Douglas J Lane’s narrative weirdness has appeared in Tales of the Unanticipated and Pure Francis, and the anthology Seasons In The Abyss. He currently juggles his day job with his work on a novel and a flaming chainsaw. He can be reached — and might even reply — at dj.dougiej [at] gmail.com.

Zach Weiner is the author of the comic strip “Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal”, co-creator of the comedy series SMBC Theater, and co-host of The Weekly Weinersmith science podcast. His most recent book of comics is entitled The Most Dangerous Game.

In the book, “FRIENDLY FIRE” is illustrated by Kelly Tindall. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.

“WHILE TRYING TO SAVE ANOTHER,” by Daliso Chaponda.
Read by Iké Amadi. (41 min)

“My name is Reverend Shamus Brooker and I have two hundred and seventy days left. I’m going to be hit by a car.”

“I am Annabel, cancer, four hundred and ten days.”

“Nqobile. I’m the record holder. Some cunt’s going to shoot me in the head in forty-nine days.”

Timothy got up. “One hundred and one here; just like the Dalmatians. I’m going to die in a fire while trying to save another.”

“What?” Isma exclaimed.  

“What’s wrong?” asked the Reverend.

She spoke slowly; she was visibly trembling. “I’m going to die in one hundred and one days as well. In a fire.”

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Daliso Chaponda is a Malawian stand-up comedian and writer currently based in the UK. He writes fiction on trains as he travels to stand-up gigs. Said fiction is often dark and depressing to compensate for the vacuousness of his night-job. He has been shortlisted for the Carl Brandon Society Award, Northwest Breakthrough Comedian Award, and so on. He likes strawberries.

Iké Amadi is a professional voice-over artist based in Los Angeles. In his free time he is a passionate and horrible video game bowler. He also hopes one day to meet Donald Glover.

In the book, “WHILE TRYING TO SAVE ANOTHER” is illustrated by Dylan Meconis. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.

“HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE,” by James Foreman.
Read by Andrew Giordano. (43 min)

Maggie and I had the same doctor. He had a machine in his office that did the readings. He drew a little bit of blood and put it into a little receptacle on the machine. It looked like a big laser printer, smooth white plastic and blinking, green lights.

In a few minutes, the machine hummed and something inside it spun and the humming grew louder and shook the floor a little. He smiled at us, arms folded. The machine printed out the certificates on special paper, the same pinkish color as those new five-dollar bills.

He put them face-down on a tray and handed them to us. Maggie and I sat down on the examination table, butcher paper crinkling and creasing under us, bunching between us as Maggie scooted closer. The doctor left us alone.

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James Foreman lives in Pittsburgh and is probably drinking coffee. He blogs about his life’s esoterica at jamesforeman.com. This is him:

Andrew Giordano is a young actor from San Francisco. His training includes A.C.T., Jean Shelton Studios and Margie Haber Studios. These days, he’s always shooting his own content while also auditioning under Central Artists mgmt.

In the book, “HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE” is illustrated by Ramón Pérez. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.

Happy New Year, everyone! We have a lot to catch up on, but first, here’s the latest podcast. More updates in the coming days.

“IMPROPERLY PREPARED BLOWFISH,” by Gord Sellar.
Read by Brett Donnelly. (32 min)

The two gangsters bowed deeply to their employer, as Yukie stepped ever so slightly back, away from Kimu.

“You got the machine, I see,” Ito said, strolling toward it with his hands behind his back, as an office manager might do.

“Yes, sir,” Tsueno answered. “From a black market dealer’s hideaway. It’s an older model, but that’s all that ever made it to Fukuoka before these things were outlawed altogether. It was functioning, as of a week ago. This was the machine that correctly predicted the death of Watanabe Yoshiro.”

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Gord Sellar is a graduate of Clarion West 2006, and has lived in South Korea since 2002. His writing has appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction, Clarkesworld, Interzone, and Jetse de Vries’ Shine anthology, as well as in The Year’s Best Science Fiction Vol. 26, edited by Gardner Dozois. He was a finalist for the John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer in 2009. Visit his website at gordsellar.com. (Find Gord’s work on Amazon.)

Brett Donnelly is a voice actor, illustrator, and amateur orca (still getting the hang of it). His work can be found at weirdgreencat.com and brettstuff.com respectively, and he is possibly @BrettDonnelly on Twitter.

In the book, “IMPROPERLY PREPARED BLOWFISH” is illustrated by Jeffrey Brown. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.

“COCAINE AND PAINKILLERS,” by David Malki !
Read by Nika Harper. (47 min)

At nine o’clock on a Tuesday morning, the parking lot in front of Jack Bogg Enterprises was somehow already full. Kelly didn’t know quite what to do. It had never happened before, not once in the year she’d been working for JBE. Especially troubling was that her favorite spot — right by the planter, the only spot in the office park guaranteed to be in the shade at six P.M. — was taken by some cruddy old Volvo. But three circuits of the lot only served to make her late, so she sighed, pulled around to the other side of the long metal building, and reluctantly parked by the O-ring wholesaler. She doubted she’d be leaving work before sunset anyway, if the last six weeks were any indication.

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David Malki ! is the author, most recently, of Dispatches from Wondermark Manor: The Compleat Trilogy, a new omnibus collection of his parody Victorian novel series.

Nika Harper is a gamer and video host, working at Riot Games in a job primarily consisting of encouraging all types of creativity and giving stuff away. She has a secret writing habit that she hides the best she can, especially when people ask questions like “You look tired, did you sleep last night?” Nika has been an actor, dinosaur, D&D dungeon master and her goal in life is to make people smile.

In the book, “COCAINE AND PAINKILLERS” is illustrated by Jess Fink. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.