“FIRING SQUAD,” by J Jack Unrau. Read by the author. (27 min)

When I looked up from my plate, three young men were sitting on the other side of the rough table, staring at me intensely. None of them were very tall, but they had the tough look of mountain people. Their faces were purple from burst blood vessels — or maybe it was makeup, I’m not going to pass myself off as some expert here. They wore heavy canvas clothes and long, filthy woolen scarves.

When I finished my meal the one on the left spoke to me. “Do you know where we can get a Machine of Death?”

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J Jack Unrau is a freelance writer and vagabond librarian whose work has appeared on Wired.com, CBC Radio and in Broken Pencil. Living in China taught him valuable lessons about taking pictures of riot police. J’s online home is thedubiousmonk.net.

In the book, “FIRING SQUAD” is illustrated by Brandon Bolt. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.

What time is it? It’s time for another awesome death prediction request! Yay!

The distinguishing feature of this one is that it fits in perfectly with Machine of Death mythology. It could conceivably have fallen right out of a Machine of Death story and into the real world, where luckily we got a hold of it before it could disrupt the fabric of reality by falling into the wrong hands.

The card pretty much speaks for itself. I love the attention to detail. You might not be able to tell from the picture, but this was not printed straight out of a computer with everything in place. The stamp, the parts written in blue ballpoint pen, and the “blood” were all added individually. I’m guessing the sender already owned or had access to a stamp saying “Paid” and adjustable for different dates, but it’s still an impressive bit of realism.

By the way, these are all photographed immediately after being opened, which is why the bottom fields are not yet filled out. The photographing stage happens before the staff begins processing.

If you’d like to send us a sample of your blood for processing, (please don’t send us your actual blood) we’d be happy to let you, too, know how you will die. At Machine of Death, that’s our job.

Here it is, the second-last in the series by Orpheos!

Episode 7 – A lonely oddball, infatuated with the girl next door, worries at the prospect of never seeing her again.

We’ll be in Calgary this weekend at the Calgary Comics & Entertainment Expo! In attendance will be no less than:

Editors Ryan North & David Malki !
Artists Kate Beaton, Danielle Corsetto, Christopher Hastings, Cameron Stewart, & Kris Straub

On Sunday afternoon at 2 PM we’ll be playing a lively game of Machine of Death Draw & Guess with Kate, Chris, Kris & special guest Smilin’ Dave Kellett!

For some reason I want to assume the voice of the classic-car expo announcer from radio commercials and say “Bring the whole faaaamily for a greeeaat day!” I guess the reason is because…it’s true?

Come bring your books by to be signed, or join in the fun at the Draw & Guess! We can’t wait to meet you!

Two more terrific Machine of Death Monologues are now up, done by Orpheos!

Episode 5 – Together: A man seeks out the woman he wants to spend his last moments with.

Episode 6 – Labels: A young woman tells the story of her treatment after her manner of death is revealed to be an as yet undiscovered illness that looks set to plague mankind in the future.

Enjoy!