Read by Nika Harper. (47 min)

At nine o’clock on a Tuesday morning, the parking lot in front of Jack Bogg Enterprises was somehow already full. Kelly didn’t know quite what to do. It had never happened before, not once in the year she’d been working for JBE. Especially troubling was that her favorite spot — right by the planter, the only spot in the office park guaranteed to be in the shade at six P.M. — was taken by some cruddy old Volvo. But three circuits of the lot only served to make her late, so she sighed, pulled around to the other side of the long metal building, and reluctantly parked by the O-ring wholesaler. She doubted she’d be leaving work before sunset anyway, if the last six weeks were any indication.

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David Malki ! is the author, most recently, of Dispatches from Wondermark Manor: The Compleat Trilogy, a new omnibus collection of his parody Victorian novel series.

Nika Harper is a gamer and video host, working at Riot Games in a job primarily consisting of encouraging all types of creativity and giving stuff away. She has a secret writing habit that she hides the best she can, especially when people ask questions like “You look tired, did you sleep last night?” Nika has been an actor, dinosaur, D&D dungeon master and her goal in life is to make people smile.

In the book, “COCAINE AND PAINKILLERS” is illustrated by Jess Fink. This podcast episode was edited by Matthew Schwartz.